I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Boobs speak an international language.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
