His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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