i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
