im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
