If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
