I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she smelled like a LAN party
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
