she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
