I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
try to milk me bitch
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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