i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
