just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
