In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I look better un-naked...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
