This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
