Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
