We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
