The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
