I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
