i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
