dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
