Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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