Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
birth control should be required to get into college
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
