My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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