She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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