Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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