who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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