glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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