This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
