We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
