I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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