i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Houston, we have a squirter
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
