I want to walk on stilts...naked
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
