Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
