I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
