I wish I only lived at night.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
