Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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