Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
