you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
