My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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