he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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