I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
