Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
