Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
