Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
