feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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