How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
