i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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