A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
