When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize