My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
