If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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