see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
