I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
