My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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