Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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