I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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