i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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