i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize