i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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