I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
