I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
now i know why i became what i already was.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
