Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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