Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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