I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize