i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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