also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
