If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
