she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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