I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize