he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
