I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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