I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he was CRYING into my vagina
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
