The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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