Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
