conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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