Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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