Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
