U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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