I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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