Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
