This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
