I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
