Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
