Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize