thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
