Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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