Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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