evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
