someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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