I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
