Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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