I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
