why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
