Who did Billy Mays play for?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize