Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
