Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
