I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
