can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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