i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
