I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
