Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
